Learning...

Well I didn't do anything the other nite to prepare for the birthday party like I should have. I was just so tired that I went to bed...I got up in the morning and got busy. Our party guests got here earlier than I had planned on so the house wasn't ready. I was so embarassed. I was in the middle of decluttering the messy living room floor when they all arrived. I didn't get to the dining room, entry or my bedroom in time. I was rather disapointed in myself because of it. But I put my game face on and the birthday party was a lot of fun. Nikolas loved opening his presents and eating his cake and ice cream. This taught me a good lesson that Nikolas just wants to have fun, not have a clean house so that made me feel better.

I'm kinda down about how things are going between Erek and I. I just don't get it! He avoids me at all costs, hardly says two words to me, and won't even sleep next to me. I'm going to sit down with him tomorrow and talk to him about the letter I wrote him the other day. Maybe I'll write another one tonight and have it waiting for him. I'm thinking about making a scrapbook with some love poems and such in it for him. Then I would also like to get some pictures from my MIL of Erek throughout his life and making him a scrapbook as well. I know I'm giving him the space he is asking for but for how long do I give him space. I can't just sit back and let him ignore me...that's no way to live. I know I can make him happy again and I will do everything in my power to show him that.

As far as today goes, I slept in and had a hard time waking up. I was so tired. I have since then gotten very busy. I have cleaned the entryway, 1/2 bathroom, kitchen, living room and dining room...I have also done 2 or 3 loads of laundry. It feels great having my house looking so good. I just need to do the front entryway, my bedroom, my bathroom, and the closet and the main level will be looking fantastic. I hope to have it all done before Erek gets home from work. I do have all of my shows on tonight and it's the season finales for all of them. I think I will use that time to scrapbook the love poems and quotes for Erek.

Anyway I need to serve the kids dinner, it's starting to get late. I'll post more tonight before I go to bed hopefully.