There is one area I know I can improve on and that is housework. This is one thing that I can start right now. I need to become a better homemaker and I will do so. I will start with getting the massive pile of laundry done and will start at the top of the house and work my way thru each floor of this house and keep it that way. This means I need to get my ass off this computer more and get to it. I feel a cleaning spree coming on!
I did send an email to Erek, asking him to put in writing what all I need to change. He knows me better than I know myself and I really value his input and I know he'll be honest with me. I'm so unsure of how to get him back. He wants space and says that words mean nothing to him right now, which he has every right to say. How do I show him that I love him so much while giving him space. Is giving him the space he needs right now SHOWING him or will it never end I lose him completely. I realizes the chances of him working on things right now are nothing but there has to be a way to get him to see that he CAN be happy, and it CAN be with me. I see, more than anything, the error of my actions and would give anything to have a do over. I know life doesn't work like that but I would work the rest of my life to love this man every day. I don't need him to love me back right now but I would love to be able to spend more time with him so that he can see that I do truly love him and want to be with him the rest of my days!
If I can get my ass in gear maybe I can get a majority of this house and the laundry done tonight. I just pray every day that I am given the opportunity to show my love and ever lasting devotion I feel for Erek. He is my world and I cannot lose him. Well I guess I've already lost him, but he's still here physically so I'll take what I can get right now. Well I'd better make a plan on how to get this house in order tonight. That's my first goal. Babysteps!!!
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